Discipline

(noun) - orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior; training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character;

(verb) - to train or develop by instruction and exercise especially in self-control (Merriam-Webster.com)

Does this title make your hackles raise? Or maybe make you cringe a little or even roll your eyes? Do you think this word has been over-used or has it caused pain that you can’t seem to shake?

There are a few definitions of “discipline” that have negative vibes and up until recently I viewed discipline as the thing I spend a crazy amount of time heaping onto my kids each day. Which at the end of the day, makes for a weary household and honestly, a checked out momma that’s sick of being the “bad guy.”

I need to dig around to find the source for this, but here’s a thought that caught my attention; “when we can shift our view of discipline from the negative to the positive, our outlook on life in general becomes much simpler.” So, when we choose to see the positive that comes out of the other side of that discipline going through with that choice is simpler.

Couple of key words here: “choose” and “simpler.” Everything really comes back to our choices. We have to decide and make the conscious effort to do this hard thing. Now when this comes to my kids, what I need to consciously be aware of is the HOW. How am I talking to them so that they can see that after this hard “talk” there is be something more positive. This is simpler but NOT EASY. How often do we get those two words mixed up? Simple does not mean easy and that’s usually where I get stuck. I can hear myself reaching that tone that will not have any positive outcome, but making the shift to calming down is not something that comes naturally.

How about we use a more commonly discussed topic when it comes to discipline; health and fitness. There is one thing that gets me about this area of discussion and that is how we drill and drill into everyone how important it is to be disciplined, but then we don’t give the grace and guidance in what to actually do?! Like, you have to learn HOW to be disciplined in something simple before you decide to make a list of life changes in order to “get healthy.” Isn’t this why so many people have struggled and therefore give up on diets? And while there has been a shift here - that its a lifestyle change instead of a restrictive diet - I have yet to see much about HOW to become disciplined.

Here is my HOW:

Choose ONE THING. Change one thing that you do daily - start the day with a big glass of water; pick up a bag of pre-cut veggies instead of chips; read one chapter before turning on the TV. Do that for one week and then two and then before you know it those better habits will become the only habits.

Now, I am no expert and I do feel a bit of a hypocrite for writing these things because as I am writing I struggled to follow through on a goal I set for myself of a month with no social media. Yes, I am more than a bit frustrated with myself and I know that I have two choices: allowing myself to wallow in the shame “I failed” or I can work through it and be aware of when I am vulnerable to that distraction.

If I’ve learned anything about discipline recently it’s that without grace discipline is just another measurement of shame when we can’t seem to master it. Discipline isn’t a skill to master it’s a lifelong decision to make each day better.