Relationships

people connected by the spontaneous or natural liking of one another (my paraphrasing of several different definitions)

Cultivating adult relationships is work! DUH! I know, but when you're young it seems like there's such a line between "yes, we're friends" to "I want nothing to do with you" and you don't cross it unless absolutely necessary.

But adulthood has so much more blurriness involved. Seasons of life can cause relationships to either stretch to include more "relating" or tend to dwindle down to random text messages when some big moment happens. Noticing seasons of life is important in how a relationship may look, but I think there is a measure of cultivation that needs to happen to help a relationship to not flounder.

And each one will look different because, oh yeah, each human being is different. But even more important is the prioritizing of these relationships.

I chose to take a social media break during this Lenten season and the whole purpose of "giving something up" for Lent is not just to see if you can do it, but to fill that time thinking about/doing that thing with something else that draws you closer to God. The first month was tough and even though I wasn't on social media I also wasn't doing anything to draw me closer to God either. And without cultivating THAT relationship there's a good chance my other relationships will be found lacking as well.

When it comes to relationships, how often do we allow something "else" to fill that space instead of putting in the work to cultivate the characteristics of a healthy relationship?

I am by no means a professional in this area, nor do I have any type of knowledge beyond what I've learned through life, but isn't life the best teacher?

I believe cultivating a healthy relationship begins with vulnerability - if you can't be vulnerable with God and yourself, you then won't be vulnerable with anyone else, and if that is the case then will anyone close to you really know you? Being vulnerable is exceedingly hard and only becomes harder every year we grow deeper in our "independent" ways. My first success at being vulnerable was journaling at a young age - getting everything down on paper, often as a prayer, has always helped me to work through the feelings so I could get to the root of the matter. Okay, it didn't (and still doesn't) always work this way, but looking back I can see how those journaling sessions helped me to grow more comfortable with vulnerability. Even if it was only between God and me, I can still see the benefits of how it's helped with relationships as an adult.

Another big one for me when it comes to relationships is communication. And if you want good communication you're also going to need to draw from that vulnerability well. There are so many kinds of communication and I know I'm pretty good at the most obvious kind - directions, schedules, etc. - but the kind that requires vulnerability is when I clam up real good. It is extremely frustrating because I know - I KNOW - that keeping that closed up only causes more issues! I have both been a part of and witnessed how not communicating the vulnerable parts of us only causes more stress and tension and hurt.

This is another area where writing has been a huge help for me. Writing letters has helped me, on numerous occasions, to express what has caused frustration or worry or fear to rear its ugly head. Frustrated tears are my arch nemesis and when you tie that in with a great dislike for confrontation, verbally communicating can sometimes feel like it only causes more issues.

As the season of Lent came to an end and I reflect on the distractions I allowed in and the ones I resisted, I've come to find that a new distraction will replace what I'm "avoiding" unless I'm already filling that time with what can help to cultivate how I'd like to grow. I didn't really excel at this - it's so ingrained in me to "chill out" at the end of the day and that to me doesn't quite look like reading a soul-enhancing book; I think what this Lent season did for me was open my eyes more to what I am filling that time with. The scrolling wasn't there, which was helpful, but I wish I would have been more intentional with using my hands to be creative in a restful way instead of reading or vegging out.

This week after Lent has been busy as usual, but I've been thoroughly enjoying the newest study from She Reads Truth called "A Living Hope" - it's a look into what happened AFTER Resurrection Sunday and what we do with the hope that we've been given because of that day. This leads me back to how this relationship, above all others, is most important and BECAUSE OF this relationship, we are able to cultivate healthy relationships in all areas of life.

Relationships can sometimes be like springtime in Montana - cold, warm, warmer, freezing; BUT there is also hope - summer always comes around! Seasons don't just apply to the weather, friends.

If you are struggling to find it I encourage you to memorize this verse with me - you can't be negative when you're consuming God's Word.